Disagreement about care for your Parents

Submitted : Carrie Governor, 24 Hour Caregivers
Along with the stress involved in caring for an elderly parent, there is usually conflict between family members regarding how things should be handled. It helps if everyone can identify not only potential sources of conflict, but ways to deal with those conflicts in a calm and productive manner. Conflict is a part of life. It does not need to become a way of life.

When families encounter conflicts in dealing with elderly parents, those conflicts can become constructive if they produce a positive change in the way issues are dealt with, lead to a unity of purpose, or promote collaboration between family members. This only happens when the focus shifts from “what you want” to “why you want it.” One child may want Mom to move to an assisted living facility while another may want Mom to remain in her own home. If each holds to their position without discussing their motivation, it is unlikely that a frank discussion will ever occur. However, if both can talk about why they want what they want, there is a very good chance that their conversation will lead to a discussion that will result in a good solution.

So how can you resolve problems in a productive manner? There are several steps to conflict resolution which lead to positive solutions.

Clarify everyone’s position – not just what they want, but why they want it. Sometimes conflict arises out of assumptions or false notions. When people sit down and talk openly about their feelings, they often find that there is really not much of a conflict at all.
Analyze everyone’s position, interests, and issues completely and thoroughly. The more emotionally charged the situation, the longer this may take. Be prepared to spend some time or agree to meet several times to be sure that everyone’s position is heard and clearly understood. If you sense that some people may not be speaking honestly or bringing up everything they want to say, try this phrase, “If I were you, I probably would ________” This demonstrates empathy and encourages others to discuss things without reservation.
Start to look for areas where everyone is in agreement and write those down. Then begin to prioritize the areas where there is disagreement. Put minor issues first, deal with those, and then move on to bigger issues where there is more disagreement. Sometimes when small issues are resolved the desire to continue resolving problems becomes more intense. Sometimes the mere act of resolving a few small problems demonstrates that there is a possibility that problems can be solved. Always focus on the long-term goal and let the solutions help to reach the long-term goal. Look closely at solutions that don’t seem to be steps to meet the ultimate goal. Begin to work together as a group to figure out the best solutions to the problem.
If these steps don’t work, consider a third party to help with a resolution (social worker, minister, close family friend, etc.) or determine if there are some people involved in the decision-making who really should not be included at all. This can be done by looking at whether or not they are impacted currently by the problem and whether or not they will be impacted by the solution. For example, sometimes grandchildren can become quite vocal about what everyone should do for Grandma, but they do not provide any care to her currently and would not be effected by any new living arrangements. These are people who need to be removed from the decision making process.

Do not expect that every disagreement will be resolved within the family. Sometimes it helps to seek professional help to provide an objective voice. If this outside person is a trained professional such as a social worker, physician, therapist, etc. they may be able to help expand solutions to the problem by identifying other resources that they family may not be aware of.

Nutrition and Hydration in the Elderly

Submitted by Carrie Governor,                        24 Hour Caregivers                                             541-858-8520

Please take the time to read this fascinating article on Nutrition and Hydration in the elderly if you are taking care of a loved one or are a caregiver.

The elderly often show less interest in eating and weight loss can become quiet noticeable. They may also stop drinking as much – especially if they have problems with incontinence. In the face of advanced dementia and/or a terminal illness, this disinterest in food and drink can become even more pronounced. Family dinners become less of a social event and more a battle of wills as children focus their energy on what is being eaten and how much is being eaten. If there is extreme weight loss, artificial nutrition or hydration may be considered.

Before considering alternative methods of nutrition and hydration there are certain questions that need to be asked:

• Has there been a swallow study (Modified Barium Swallow) done to rule out a physical problem which makes swallowing difficult? Muscle strength typically decreases as we age. This decrease in muscle strength can effect the muscles involved in swallowing. Strokes or TIAs (“mini”-strokes) can affect the muscle control needed to swallow effectively.
• Are ill-fitting dentures or poor dentition to blame for a decrease in eating? If dentures do not fit well, eating can become problematic and even painful. Chewing and eating can also be difficult if natural teeth are broken or missing.
• Is there a fear of drinking or eating because of problems with incontinence? The elderly often have problems with incontinence and may refrain from eating or drinking if they are afraid that they may have an “accident” or not have easy access to a bathroom when needed.
• Is depression a factor? Clinical depression can cause a lack of appetite which may result in weight loss. Depression can also cause a lack of interest in activities such as family dinners, eating out, etc.
• Are medications to blame? Many medications can cause a lack of appetite or make food “taste funny”.
• Is dementia a factor? Elderly people with dementia may forget how to prepare food, how to feed themselves, or how to chew and swallow.
• Is a decrease in appetite the result of a terminal illness? One of the problems encountered with terminal illness is a natural decrease in hunger and thirst as the body prepares for death. Medical professionals should be involved in helping patients and their families to understand the disease process and its impact on nutrition and swallowing.

If alternative means of nutrition and/or hydration are being considered certain questions should be considered:

• Will alternative nutrition/hydration improve nutritional status?
• Will alternative nutrition/hydration decrease the risk of disease or prevent disease?
• Will alternative nutrition/hydration help to increase life expectancy?
• Will alternative nutrition/hydration improve the quality of life?
• Is alternative nutrition/hydration a short-term or long-term intervention?
• What are the risks involved with alternative nutrition/hydration?
• Are there any considerations if alternative nutrition/hydration is provided, but there is a “change of heart”?

All of these questions need to be considered very carefully before taking steps to pursue alternative means of nutrition. Professionals need to educate families on the benefits and contra-indications of tube-feedings, nutritional supplements, appetite stimulants, etc. before a decision is made. This education needs to be specific to the patient involved and take into consideration the overall medical condition of the patient.

Helping a Grieving Parent

Submitted by : Carrie Governor         24 Hour Caregivers    541-858-8520

When you lose a parent no matter at what age, it’s going to cause a ton of different emotions and grief is probably the toughest one to deal with, after all you’ve just lost your Mom or your Dad. And if you were particularly close the grief is even harder. In our own grief however; we need to step back and understand that your parent who survives is suffering too. You need to understand that they not only lost a loved one but their partner for life, their soul mate, their spouse and they need your help to get through this devastating loss in their life.
When you lose a parent, spouse or child it is probably one of the biggest emotional traumas anyone is going to experience in their entire life and grief is probably the most difficult emotion that a person will ever have to contend with. The reason for this is that no matter how hard you try you will never be able to completely get over this loss. No matter how hard you try somewhere in the back of your mind it’s always going to be there. So it is important that you learn to move on despite the pain of grief.
During this process you need to also understand that you are not grieving alone and that your parent who is left alone now is going through the same thing if not worse. You need to remember that as you were growing up and when you needed your parents, they were there for you. They were your rocks to cling onto and they sacrificed a lot for you and your well being.
It is now time for you to step up in a difficult time like this and give back the favor to your surviving parent. It is actually your duty as loving and responsible adult children to make sure that you show love, give support and help them to be able to cope. It’s important that you help them to realize that they still have a purpose on this earth and that they can still enjoy life despite the loss they have experienced.
More than likely you have a busy life and don’t have much time to be spreading around. But in times like these you need to try and make time to be there for your parent. This doesn’t mean to stop in the middle of a work day and call them on the phone to just check in with them. No, this means during this time of grief you need to go see your parent. You need to take time out of your schedule to actually spend some time to listen to them. You need to be there for them to release the many emotions they will be feeling. Make sure that you let them say what they want, go a head and let them remember the good times and the bad. Simply allow them the chance to say what they feel.
If you live near your parent you need to see if there are things that you can do for them. Generally each spouse through the years had their own duties that they performed and you might be able to help by doing some of the things that Mom or Dad did when they were alive. If you can’t do it then consider finding someone who can do it for them. Another good thing to do is to try and help your parent to learn to do some of the things their spouse did so that they can become more self-sufficient.
Be encouraging and try to convince your parent that they can’t be alone and they need to stay in touch with their friends and even try to meet new friends. Encourage them to get involved in different activities and get involved in church where they can not only be with God but can meet others like them. Many churches have widow/widower groups that get together weekly or monthly, just to get together to do something.
Don’t forget that you can do things together too. Take them on a trip occasionally even if it’s just to lunch, dinner or out to see a movie they’d like to see. Remember and most importantly always be happy around your parent act as if you will not be together much longer because that is not far from the truth.
Submitted by: Carrie Governor, 24 Hour Caregivers

Reverse that Foreclosure

Avoiding Foreclosure in Ashland, OR

Media brings a lot of attention to people who have gotten in too deep with their mortgages and seem to have no way out.Foreclosure can often be avoided for many people over the age of 62 provided they have enough equity in their home.

Reverse Mortgage Awareness on the Rise

Even though Reverse Mortgage articles abound, many financial advisors, accountants, friends and family members do not know enough about Reverse Mortgage to realize that it may be the homeowner’s only saving grace.

When a homeowner over age 62 finds them self unable to pay their mortgage and facing foreclosure they need to do a quick evaluation as to whether they may be a candidate for a Reverse Mortgage. If they would like to remain in their home they may be able to obtain a reverse mortgage and prevent the foreclosure. Many Ashland homeowners have successfully done this.

Enjoying retirement in Ashland, OR

Equity is the Key to Qualifying for a Reverse Mortgage in Ashland

Depending on their equity position, age and current interest rate they may be able to qualify for enough money to pay off their current lender and stay in their home, without having to make any more monthly payments.

Typically a senior in Ashland or anywhere in the US needs about 40% equity to qualify, and the older they are the less equity they need. A borrower’s credit score is not a factor in qualifying so their current foreclosure status will not prohibit them from obtaining a reverse, as long as they have sufficient equity and their property meets FHA guidelines.

Look into the Possibility of Qualifying

Encourage clients facing foreclosure to immediately contact a reverse mortgage specialist in Ashland to do an evaluation to see if they may qualify for a reverse mortgage and avoid foreclosure. A Security One Lending representative can do an in home consultation in Ashland or anywhere in Oregon to determine if reverse mortgage might be a solution and visit www.reversemortgageashland.com or www.facebook.com/AshlandOrReverseMortgages.com or contact Nadine Petel at 541-955-4518

Reverse Mortgage Solutions to Everyday Challenges

One of the most common questions I get as a Reverse Mortgage Loan Consultant is about how you can use it to your benefit. The following are just a few examples of why some people turn to reverse. Who do you know that is facing a dilemma such as these?

A reverse mortgages can provide extra needed income.

A 75 year old widow has a $12,000 annual income from Social Security and pension benefits. Although this was sufficient income initially, over the years some unexpected expenses have caused her to cut back on some essentials and pay for other items on credit cards. She would like to pay off her credit card bills that have grown due to her income not meeting her monthly expenses.

With a reverse mortgage, she would be able to receive additional monthly income without incurring additional mortgage payments or putting her house on the market. Her home could additional monthly income that would allow her to pay off her credit cards, replace her car or pay her annual property taxes that she can no longer afford.

Enjoy your retirement and your home

A 76 year old husband and his 74 year old wife bought their retirement home in Las Vegas and have lived there for 9 years. Their combined income is $22,000 annually from Social Security and pension benefits. This is sufficient income to cover their expenses and a few extras, but now the house needs some major work. The air conditioning needs to be replaced and some plumbing work is needed. They do not like the prospect of incurring additional credit card debt and the extra monthly payments. With a reverse mortgage, they would be able to receive the money they needed without incurring additional payments.

Reverse mortgage can provide funds to choose quality care environment for spouse.

An 82 year old man has been caring for his 80 year old wife who has been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease for over a year. Even though he has assistance from family, friends and professional caregivers, he is increasingly concerned for her safety since he is unable to provide the level of care she needs around the clock. Upon the advice of her physician and with the support of their children, he is considering the option of having her live in a secure Memory Care residence where she will receive the 24-hour care and supervision she requires. However, their monthly income is currently not enough to cover the additional expense. His only option would be to sell the home and move in with their son to be able to pay the monthly fee for her to live in a safer environment.

With a reverse mortgage, he would be able to turn the equity in their into a line of credit. The money from a reverse mortgage could make it possible for the husband to choose a quality Memory Care community for his wife without having to sell their home.

These are common examples of why people turn to a reverse mortgage. I can discuss your specific circumstances and provide you with a personalized analysis. Education is critical and I am committed to helping seniors make informed decisions. I invite you to call me for an in home visit or to meet me at your local branch office. I can be reached a 541-955-4518 or at www.nadinepetel.com and visit our affiliated professionals at www.senioralliance.org

The Reverse Mortgage Loan Lady

Do your parents need in-home care?

As we age, giving up independence is one of the hardest things to do. Here are tips that will help you know how to make the decision when you parents may need a little in-home care .
First, you must know this decision will be met with resistance, especially if your loved one is not injured and can still get around. You will need to be prepared to help them through this with sensitivity and understanding.
But there are some very basic activities they must still be able to accomplish if they are going to continue safely living on their own.
Questions to ask and observations to make:
1. Are they able to get out of the home to go to the store or doctor? To remain independent your senior must have the ability to get outside the home to accomplish tasks. Do they still drive or do they have a friend or relative that will drive them is the big question.
2. Do they have mobility issues that make it difficult to get around? If they can still get around well without the risk of falling, that is what you want to look for. If they show signs of instability, that can pose dangers living on their own.
3. Are they able to still cook and prepare meals for themselves? Observe how they operate around the kitchen. Can they still function safely with the stove and oven? Do they remember to turn these off when not in use? If they are not doing well in the kitchen, that can be a real problem.
4. How do they do with their medication? Put all their medication in a plastic container that has a separate compartment for each day. Keep an eye on this and watch to make sure they are taking all their medications at the proper times and the right days.
5. How is their hearing and vision? Are they able to use the telephone? A person can actually have challenges in these and still live on their own. There are special phones designed for those with poor vision or hearing.
When the time comes for your loved senior family to have in-home remember this is a sensitive time and may be difficult for them. It is often best to explore options and talk over the best solution with them. Be sure to point out the safety reasons and that you are doing this out of love.
Carrie Governor, 24 Hour Caregivers

Transportation in Grants Pass

Even though driving can represent a certain amount of freedom and independence, persons need to know that there are alternatives to driving one’s own self. Transitions are easier for all of us when there are pleasant alternatives at our fingertips–and we’ll share what some of those alternatives are.

One way to make the transition easier is to introduce your parent to a retirement community that provides personal transportation as well group outings. Here at Horizon Village, we enjoy taking our residents to places like the Coast or Crater Lake; places they may feel they shouldn’t drive to anymore. We also provide them with personal transportation twice a week–which a lot of persons may not need in the beginning, but may find useful later down the road. Who doesn’t need car repair from time to time, or a ride home from the eye doctor, or a lift to town on a blustery winter day?

Our area (Josephine County) has public transportation that picks seniors up at their doors and takes them to their destination. The number to call for this is 541-474-5452. This same number provides the community bus routes in Grants Pass–and to/from Wolf Creek and Cave Junction. HASL did not receive the appropriated funding so their volunteer rides for seniors has been cut way back. But here are some other modes of transportation:

Taxis in our area that offer “specials” as well as excellent service to seniors include: JC’s Taxi: 541-761-7433, R & D Medical Transport: 541-291-0514, and G.P. Cab Service: 541-476-6444. Businesses that specifically transport seniors or disabled persons include: GP Rural Transport 541-476-2639; Net Care 541-474-1065; Mobile Care 541-664-2114; and Care Transport 541-955-5123. Most take cash or check.

For out of area trips there is the Shuttle (goes from Medford to Klamath Falls everyday at 3:30 p.m.): 541-883-2609 (current cost for over 62 is $22.50). They can take a person on to Brookings also. For Airport Shuttle to Medford or Eugene, you can call High Country at 541-476-9170.

Written by Sandy Brierty at Horizon Village

Up-Sizing in Grants Pass, OR- Reverse Mortgage to the Rescue

Thanks to a Reverse Mortgage for Purchase, Sassy senior citizen, Laury Laursen, is revved up and ready to

No Ordinary Senior

party in her new home in Grants Pass. She is no stranger to town as she owns a home just around the corner from the home she just purchased. Though she liked the home and the neighborhood she was living in, she likes to shop and it just wasn’t big enough for all of her “crapola”.

Laury, a retired Las Vegas showgirl, is loving life and sports cars, and will be able to enjoy her new home without having to make a monthly house payment or move out of her current neighborhood.

The home she has been living in the last few years is now on the market and she doesn’t have to stress-out about how long it will take to sell. The reverse mortgage for purchase loan required her to put down about 40%  but there are no monthly payments required, she just has to keep her taxes and insurance current.

Proud New Homeowner

While many people are suffering because of the reduced home values, Laury has come out on top since the lower home value required a lower down payment. For Laury, the reverse mortgage for purchase was a great financial tool that helped her to maintain her monthly cash flow. When she sells the home that is now on the market she will have her down payment money back to reinvest. Sweet!

Now, if I could just find another outgoing and fun loving senior that could keep up with her, she would really be in good shape.

Gentlemen?

For more information on HECM for purchase contact Nadine Petel at Security One Lending at 541-955-4518

Sassy Senior Citizen

Meal Options for Seniors…

My mother is considering moving into a retirement community, but she is not ready to give up cooking just yet. Are there places that offer both choices?

Yes there are! You just need to be aware that a person may be having to pay for all of their meals whether they consume them or not. If she really enjoys cooking, she may want to consider moving to an active retirement community (available in cottages, like Horizon Village), which has full kitchens brightened by sky lights (easy on the eyes), light well-made cabinets with pull-out drawers (easy on the back), pantries, and all normal or large-sized appliances! If something goes wrong with an appliance, she would just need to call the office for prompt maintenance attention. (No charge to her.) Otherwise, part of the services at a retirement community like Horizon Village include coordinating meals for those who need them–when they need them.

Even a person who enjoys cooking may find they are reaching a burn-out or simply just want a little relief. There are all kinds of options out there! There’s a wonderful organization called Meals on Wheels (541-955-8839) with volunteers who deliver meals at minimal cost to seniors. If a person enjoys socializing, they can eat at the local Senior Meal Site on Ringuette Street (541-8839 also), again for a very reasonable price! Those who are already receiving housekeeping or care giving can request meal preparation also. There are “personal chefs” available for hire, who come in and prepare a week’s worth of meals at a surprisingly low price. Another thing that’s rewarding for seniors is to start a dining club where they visit restaurants as a group. They can take turns at each others’ homes for meals or do the “progressive meal” where they go from house to house, winding up at the last house with dessert! Socialization is the key word here..

A person needs to think twice before committing to a retirement community that charges for meals regardless if you eat them! Choices are part of what independent living should be all about.

By Sandy Brierty of Horizon Village

Reverse Mortgage Purchase in Grants Pass, Medford and Ashland

I have seen an increase in home purchases using a reverse mortgage in Grants Pass, Medford and Ashland. 

A HECM (Home Equity Conversion Mortgage), or reverse mortgage,  is a government insured equity loan for folks 62 and over. The loan enables borrowers to draw their home without requiring a monthly payment. As with any mortgage, when the homeowner no longer resides in the home the loan must be refinanced or the home is sold and the loan is paid off.

The loan amount is determined by a FHA appraised value. Other important factors are the interest rate and age. Homeowners age 62 will qualify for a lower loan to value than a borrower who is older. Actuarial tables are used to determine life expectancy and the likelihood that the loan balance will eventually exceed the appraised value.

Refinancing with a reverse mortgage allows you to use some of your accumulated equity without having to sell the property. If there is an existing mortgage it is paid off and the balance of the approved loan amount is available for the homeowner to use however they want. The loan amount is normally around 50% or so at age 62 and increases with age.

During the life of the loan there are no monthly payments, but there is interest accruing onto the loan balance. Since the loan balance is
increasing there must be a significant amount of equity at the onset of the loan. The goal of the program is to loan as much money as possible
while still owing less than the property value at the end of the loan. The loan does carry FHA mortgage insurance in case the final loan balance
does exceed the home value. If this does happen the mortgage insurance pays the deficiency and the borrower and their heirs are not responsible.

Purchasing a home with a reverse mortgage is done by using the same program but applying it in a slightly different way. The homeowner is still required to have equity in the home, however instead of accumulating that  equity over time, they are required to put the equity into the home in the form of a down payment at the time of purchase.

An example of a purchase transaction would be a sale price of $200,000 with a borrower age 62 and a loan amount of approximately $100,000. The borrower would put down $100,000 and finance the remaining $100,000 with a reverse mortgage. The reverse mortgage balance would grow over time but the initial equity (down payment) would be offsetting the loan balance. The same loan to value is used and the same loan stipulations apply. Borrowers must maintain their taxes and insurance.

The benefit of purchasing with a reverse mortgage is that you do not have to pay cash for a home in order to avoid making a monthly payment. Many  seniors cannot qualify for a purchase loan so downsizing or upsizing can be accomplished without having to qualify or make a new mortgage payment. The money you save by not paying 100% cash for your house can be used to make improvements, fund healthcare, living
expenses or lifestyle enhancement.

Qualification is based on age, home value, occupancy and your ability to pay your taxes and insurance. It doesn’t make sense to tie up all of your equity in your home when you are reaching your later years in life. A HECM for Purchase is an amazing tool and can help you affordably relocate to be closer to friends and family.

For a personal evaluation  call Nadine Petel at 541-955-4518 or to access a e reverse mortgage calculator  www.reversemortgagegrantspass.com

Security One Lending, NMLS ID 98161. Oregon Mortgage
Lender #ML-4537~ Nadine Petel, NLMS ID 456946